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Sex and the Single Traveller - Part 1: Dens of Iniquity
When I was growing up casual sex was something to be feared - like being hit with the handle of a feather duster or the consequences should you allow a parent to count all the way to three after hearing the words - "Right, I'm counting to three". The advertising gurus had us scared witless that the briefest of casual sexual encounters would have you lined up with 9 other like minded deviants awaiting the bowling ball of death from the grim reeper.
I can't be sure whether the advertisers stopped doing their job, or whether the next generation simply had the balls to outlast a three count and realised the consequences weren't as bad as expected, but you can be damned sure that the younger generation are getting up to way more than those of us who remember the days before mobile phones. They seem to move straight from X box to ex lovers without missing a beat. I can assure you the transition from Super Nintendo to Super Nubile Young Ladies wasn't nearly as smooth.
I refuse to launch into a tirade of how things were in my day, as quite frankly it's not nearly as saucy as what the kids are getting up to today. Although to be fair, I had no idea what the kids are up to today. I could only assume that the reason they were so disinterested in forging a career was that the girls were too busy taking photos of themselves pashing each other and uploading them to myspace and the guys were busy at home, doing what it is guys do when girls post photos of themselves pashing each other on the internet.
Many recent media reports have described the swathes of venereal diseases being imported to Sydney by randy back packers and their carefree sexual practices. So I figured I'd combine an inquisitive disposition with voyeuristic curiosity and do some research by chatting to travellers I've met and seeing what's really going on out there. I must point out at this point that there is no scientific merit to this study whatsoever. My research methods could best be described as half arsed and having none of the integrity required to be supported by the CSIRO. Even the Ponds Institute and Brand Power would struggle to endorse it. But I'm on a mission to know. Are these back/flashpackers out there really rubbing their unwashed bodies against anything that moves? Which nationalities are the easiest to bed? Are ugly travellers getting action too? And so, as they become available I will present to you my findings.
I will try to implement a hotness control in passing on the findings. Let's face it, there are some blokes out there who couldn't fall over without landing in between the legs of a willing bedfellow and hot girls only need to squint for a guy to think she is interested in horizontal bedroom antics - If horizontal is indeed the preferred direction. Granted, my hotness assessment is entirely subjective, although I refer you to my lack of endorsement from any valid institute and suggest that whatever you read from here on in be taken with a bag of salt.
The general hotness level of travellers is quite high. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the fatties leave their home cities and states on occasions, when the lure of foreign cake becomes too much for example, but in general the morbidly obese don't seem to want to throw on a back pack and trudge along roads less travelled. The upshot is that if you find yourself travelling in Indo China or anywhere cheap with a beach there will be many hot specimens to see (and do) and the fair portion of them will be wearing bikinis or board shorts hung low enough to provide evidence of pubic hair maintenance.
I've been particularly surprised by how willing people are to talk about their experiences, although they are even more keen to tell you about the experiences of others - It appears ones own sluttiness is diminished when juxta posed with that of a random friend.
Of course there is a portion of travellers who spend their days visiting museums and their nights writing a journal, but let's face it, you don't want to read about them (and most likely their journal also), you want to hear the saucy stuff. And amongst the saucy stuff is the following three recurring themes:
Dens of Iniquity - There are definite places that provide the perfect back drop for sexual proclivity Hot girls with low self esteem and not so single travellers Jobs for the Boys - where sleeping with a new girl each week should be taxed for the fringe benefit it obviously is
And so - Here is part 1.
If my friend went and jumped off the Harbour Bridge I probably wouldn't do it also. But if everyone in Sydney did it I might be tempted to give it a go. Bazaar analogy perhaps, but there are destinations in the world where casual romance is par for the course. And the group think mentality certainly does become intoxicating. It's hard to establish the cause and effect (whether people go to a place to get action specifically, or whether being in the place makes people more promiscuous). Some examples that come to mind are Nha Trang in Vietnam, Vang Vieng in Lao, Kuta in Bali and anywhere hosting a full moon party in Thailand. I haven't been to Cancun or Ibiza but I suspect that you could throw them into this mix.
There are two human reactions on stumbling upon one of these places. The first is to party your brains out for anywhere from 3 to 7 days, realise that whilst having a heap of fun you are frying your brain and need to move on.
The second is, "This is the best place in the entire universe and I am going to work out a way to stay here until I am forcibly removed". I'll call these people, "Type 2's". Regardless of which option you choose the net result is that 95% of the people you see on a day to day basis will change every 7 days. This second camp of people usually end up in jobs promoting the local bars. The pay is rubbish but they will provide you with ready access to buckets, a bed for the night and a fresh crop of the aformentioned type one travellers to hit on.
There are some evident common charactaristics of these places which may go some way to explaining the prevalence and acceptance of casual sex.
i) Wreckless Behaviour is Rife:
- Riding of mopeds drunk with no helmets and multiple passengers - who might well be kissing while in transit
- Taking of drugs where undercover police raids and setups are known to occur. Dangerous enough but even more so when in some of these locations drug offences are punishable by death
- Bungy jumping drunk in a country where safety standards are largely ignored
- Jumping from rope swings into water the depth of which is variable or unknown
- Combining 4 hours of floating independently down a river with free shots at every bar
- Adding flames to the otherwise mundane art of limbo
I'm a pretty rational and largely death adverse human being, but I've been guilty of much of the above whilst in such places. I won't be admitting specifically as to which ones although my girlish fear of heights automatically rules out a couple. And perhaps this embrace of danger is a contributing factor to the rampant promiscuity. Who wouldn't want a cheeky grope of that guy or girl in the corner when there is a real chance you may be dead or seriously injured tomorrow?
ii) Warm Climates: It's a simple equation, warm climates equals less clothing and thirsty dancers. Combine this thirst with ready access to point (iii), copious amounts of alcohol and my comments on general hotness above and the net result is nubile, drunk youngsters wearing swimwear. It doesn't take Stephen Hawking to work out the bottom line on that one.
iii) Copious Amounts of Alcohol: Typically served literally by the bucket load with a mix of cheap local spirits, red bull and on occasion illicit substances. Also, the alcohol is typically cheap, a whole bunch cheaper than the countries the party goers have come from.
Are these places fun? Absolutely. Are they dangerous? Yes, but no more than going hunting with Donald Rumsfeld. Although it is increasingly concerning the systematic dangers that seem to be taking over in these places. Crime is increasingly organised, and many travellers will tell you that your room is likely to be accessed by thieves while you are at a full moon party, at which point the police will insist you have left a window to your room open. Many of the places have a "mafia run" feel to them inconsistent with other places in the country with businesses operating on fixed prices without flexibility.
My only advice would be that if you do end up in such a den of iniquity, do your best not to become a type 2 traveller. There's a Canadian guy out there whose ambition was to go tubing in Vang Vieng for 365 days in a row before returning to his job as an accountant. This is all well and good although I suspect an employer would steer clear of someone with the mental faculties of Ozzy Osbourne. If your son gives you a call asking for money as he has become a type 2, send him a couple of months worth of cash - he'll love you forever. If your daughter is in the same situation, jump on a plane immediately and forcibly drag her home.
So - What's actually going on in these places? Well you'll have to wait for the next installment.
About the Author
Age: 32 years
Gender: Male
Nationality: Australian mainly. Should Australia ever re introduce conscription or ban KFC, then Maltese.
Languages Spoken: English – Fluent, Czech – Shithouse, Spanish – Work in Progress
Loves: Fast Cars, Slower Women, Beers, Banter
Fears: Heights (more specifically falling from them), Showing up at School Naked (which would probably be a crime at 32)
